Amaan- You have some really interesting things going on in your piece this week. I like your attempt at dialogue between characters. I also like several of your word choices like: replied (instead of said) and slyly. I really wanted to know more about how your writing connected to this week’s prompt. Remember to read your work out loud before posting. Some of your sentences are confusing. Was your primary friend’s name Change? Remember when you use dialogue to use quotation marks-
I said to him, “Long time no see. Did you set this path for me?”
He replied slyly back, “Maybe Bro.”
Keep writing. I look forward to your work next week!
Janet (Team 100WC) Michigan, USA
Hello Amaan,
This is such a creative, fun story! I like how you set it up by taking us with you through this mysterious, “never ending” journey. When your arrived at the destination, you did a good job of making the story suspenseful by expressing your feelings about what you saw. The dialogue at the end is so hilarious and clever!
Janet, above, has some good suggestions for making the story clearer for your readers.
Amaan- You have some really interesting things going on in your piece this week. I like your attempt at dialogue between characters. I also like several of your word choices like: replied (instead of said) and slyly. I really wanted to know more about how your writing connected to this week’s prompt. Remember to read your work out loud before posting. Some of your sentences are confusing. Was your primary friend’s name Change? Remember when you use dialogue to use quotation marks-
I said to him, “Long time no see. Did you set this path for me?”
He replied slyly back, “Maybe Bro.”
Keep writing. I look forward to your work next week!
Janet (Team 100WC) Michigan, USA
Hello Amaan,
This is such a creative, fun story! I like how you set it up by taking us with you through this mysterious, “never ending” journey. When your arrived at the destination, you did a good job of making the story suspenseful by expressing your feelings about what you saw. The dialogue at the end is so hilarious and clever!
Janet, above, has some good suggestions for making the story clearer for your readers.
Keep on writing!
Irene