Hi Hamzah,
Thank you for entering this week’s 100 Word Challenge.
I enjoyed reading your story. You’ve written an emotional piece that drew me in from the very first sentence. I liked how you used the prompt at the start. You’ve left me wondering did HE actually kill Lucy or did he “kill” the love between Lucy and John. I’m not sure that I like the way you’ve put a comma after the pronoun in lots of your sentences. I presume you’ve done it for effect.
Keep up the good work!
I look forward to reading more adventures from you.
Mrs Boyce @ Team 100 WC
Cork, Ireland
Come and visit our Class Blog at http://kidblog.org/MrsBoycesClass-4/
Hi Hamzah,
Thank you for entering this week’s 100 Word Challenge.
I enjoyed reading your story. You’ve written an emotional piece that drew me in from the very first sentence. I liked how you used the prompt at the start. You’ve left me wondering did HE actually kill Lucy or did he “kill” the love between Lucy and John. I’m not sure that I like the way you’ve put a comma after the pronoun in lots of your sentences. I presume you’ve done it for effect.
Keep up the good work!
I look forward to reading more adventures from you.
Mrs Boyce @ Team 100 WC
Cork, Ireland
Come and visit our Class Blog at http://kidblog.org/MrsBoycesClass-4/