Oh no Harry! I can’t believe you were distracted by a single crisp and got blown up! How tragic! Great use of varied vocabulary to draw me in and you used the narrator’s voice very well. Remember to add commas when you want your reader to pause.
Lovely writing, Harry – you build up the tension well. I like the way you have used interesting vocabulary choices like “feared” and “sensation”. Would you change any of the commas you have used for a full stop?
Oh no Harry! I can’t believe you were distracted by a single crisp and got blown up! How tragic! Great use of varied vocabulary to draw me in and you used the narrator’s voice very well. Remember to add commas when you want your reader to pause.
Lovely writing, Harry – you build up the tension well. I like the way you have used interesting vocabulary choices like “feared” and “sensation”. Would you change any of the commas you have used for a full stop?
Great work!
hi Harry ,
I like the story that’s is my best story .
sign by Hamza .Achouchen