Hi, well done for entering the first 100wc of 2015. I like how you have maintained a very winters feeling to your writing throughout, especially as it looks like the weather is going to change for the worst once again!
Well done for including so much action to your writing in such a short piece of writing (this isn’t an easy task to fulfil). Within your entry you mention the rest of them. Who were they? They could have been friends? Adventurers? Goodies? Evil masterminds who want to take over the world? Anybody… Knowing more about characters really helps the readers get fully involved with a piece of writing.
Good luck for your future entries,
Mr Eitel-Smith, Pewithall Primary School, Runcorn, y6pewithall.primaryblogger.co.uk and Team100wc.
Well done Jayanna, lots of detail had me hooked; I especially liked your ingenious way of escaping. Check you’re not missing out pronouns. I can see real progress in your writing Jayanna
Miss A
Hi Jayanna, I really enjoyed reading this entry for the 100 word challenge and think the winter/ice theme is very appropriate for this time of year. Glided is a super word choice to describe how he moved across the ice rink. Take a moment to read back through your writing – reading it aloud can be very useful to help you check that it makes complete sense and that your punctuation is in the right place.
Hi, well done for entering the first 100wc of 2015. I like how you have maintained a very winters feeling to your writing throughout, especially as it looks like the weather is going to change for the worst once again!
Well done for including so much action to your writing in such a short piece of writing (this isn’t an easy task to fulfil). Within your entry you mention the rest of them. Who were they? They could have been friends? Adventurers? Goodies? Evil masterminds who want to take over the world? Anybody… Knowing more about characters really helps the readers get fully involved with a piece of writing.
Good luck for your future entries,
Mr Eitel-Smith, Pewithall Primary School, Runcorn, y6pewithall.primaryblogger.co.uk and Team100wc.
Well done Jayanna, lots of detail had me hooked; I especially liked your ingenious way of escaping. Check you’re not missing out pronouns. I can see real progress in your writing Jayanna
Miss A
Hi Jayanna, I really enjoyed reading this entry for the 100 word challenge and think the winter/ice theme is very appropriate for this time of year. Glided is a super word choice to describe how he moved across the ice rink. Take a moment to read back through your writing – reading it aloud can be very useful to help you check that it makes complete sense and that your punctuation is in the right place.
Thank you for sharing your writing – keep it up.
Mrs Williams (Team 100WC) Leicester
http://merrydale.primaryblogger.co.uk/