Amazing story, Sara. I love how you increased the pace with action and heightened the tension with questions.
If only you had more words to write with… I would love to have read more!
Remember, you only need three dots for ellipsis…
Mr H.
Hi, Sara. I read your work and it was unbelievable! I like how you used speech to open the characters more and the fact that your using great describing for example, sapphire, Swiftly, dagger, shimmered blissfully etc….
Your work was absolutely incredible!
Keep up the good work!
Noha
WOW! This was a great story, with a surprising twist at the end. It was exciting, yet dark and spine-chilling at the end! I enjoyed reading this, Sara ☺
~Imani~
This is a really good story I love how you’ve added lots of description and the way that the reader can easily picture what is happening in their mind; like a mind movie. One thing I think you could have improved on is the usage of ellipsis, although the three times you used it, it did make sense and others would maybe have done that too but you could have perhaps filled the space for ellipsis with other punctuation.
Anyways it is a great story I would love to read another one of your pieces,
Yumna, Year 6, From Mead Primary School
Thanks for reading my work, I do put up other pieces as well so you could maybe read them. Thank you also for telling me how to improve the ellipses. I am really grateful and so I’ll do that next time. 🙂
From Sara
Amazing story, Sara. I love how you increased the pace with action and heightened the tension with questions.
If only you had more words to write with… I would love to have read more!
Remember, you only need three dots for ellipsis…
Mr H.
Thank you Mr Hession.
Brilliant story Sara. I love it. I really like how you created atmosphere and tension. I am eager to read more. I wonder what happens when you fall.
Ratheena 🙂
Thanks So Much Ratheena 🙂
Hi, Sara. I read your work and it was unbelievable! I like how you used speech to open the characters more and the fact that your using great describing for example, sapphire, Swiftly, dagger, shimmered blissfully etc….
Your work was absolutely incredible!
Keep up the good work!
Noha
Thanks Noha. 🙂
WOW! This was a great story, with a surprising twist at the end. It was exciting, yet dark and spine-chilling at the end! I enjoyed reading this, Sara ☺
~Imani~
Thanks Imani. 🙂
This is a really good story I love how you’ve added lots of description and the way that the reader can easily picture what is happening in their mind; like a mind movie. One thing I think you could have improved on is the usage of ellipsis, although the three times you used it, it did make sense and others would maybe have done that too but you could have perhaps filled the space for ellipsis with other punctuation.
Anyways it is a great story I would love to read another one of your pieces,
Yumna, Year 6, From Mead Primary School
Thanks for reading my work, I do put up other pieces as well so you could maybe read them. Thank you also for telling me how to improve the ellipses. I am really grateful and so I’ll do that next time. 🙂
From Sara
Wow! I wish you could have used more words!
Great use of rhetorical questions Sara!
Thanks So Much. 🙂