You have some really good vocabulary, Anjali, and there is a good pace to your writing. I can see that you’re experimenting with short sentences. Be careful with your tenses… ‘Nearly breaking glass’ does not make sense on its own. ‘It nearly broke some glass’ would have been better.
A brilliant story Anjali! I absolutely love how you have used amazing words to make the story more tensed! There are some punctuation mistakes: Crisps crumbling everywhere. However you did a space; then the fullstop. Something you could improve instead of a fullstop for the word before CRASHED you could’ve used ellipsis. In slowly they lifted you did a space and then the fullstop. Also in they sat in the hospital bench. A demanding list, (comma) Speech open capital I for icecream. Other then that, I think this story can be in a book! Well Done!
From Sara 😉
You have some really good vocabulary, Anjali, and there is a good pace to your writing. I can see that you’re experimenting with short sentences. Be careful with your tenses… ‘Nearly breaking glass’ does not make sense on its own. ‘It nearly broke some glass’ would have been better.
A brilliant story Anjali! I absolutely love how you have used amazing words to make the story more tensed! There are some punctuation mistakes: Crisps crumbling everywhere. However you did a space; then the fullstop. Something you could improve instead of a fullstop for the word before CRASHED you could’ve used ellipsis. In slowly they lifted you did a space and then the fullstop. Also in they sat in the hospital bench. A demanding list, (comma) Speech open capital I for icecream. Other then that, I think this story can be in a book! Well Done!
From Sara 😉