An amazing story Shuhana! You have used particular words to create a picture in my head! I can see you have made some punctuation mistakes such as: deep sleep ; (you don’t really need to leave a space for the semi colon.) She met Mrs Sweet, (you need a comma.) Lauren picked out a caramel apple (you haven’t split it in a paragraph.) Yum yum, the first yum should be a capital Y. Lauren wasn’t really talking to anyone it could be (exclaimed, remarked apperciately?) Lauren was woken up. Other then that, a spectacular story!
From Sara
An amazing story Shuhana! You have used particular words to create a picture in my head! I can see you have made some punctuation mistakes such as: deep sleep ; (you don’t really need to leave a space for the semi colon.) She met Mrs Sweet, (you need a comma.) Lauren picked out a caramel apple (you haven’t split it in a paragraph.) Yum yum, the first yum should be a capital Y. Lauren wasn’t really talking to anyone it could be (exclaimed, remarked apperciately?) Lauren was woken up. Other then that, a spectacular story!
From Sara
Thank you Sara I will correct in in my next story