Very good writing Irina! I like how you have used words like transporting! Instead of said could you use exclaimed, remarked, established, shouted, screamed, wailed, sulked, replied? The only mistake is I eat it, as your story is past tense it is supposed to be I ate it. Other then that, well done!
From Sara
Hi there Irina. Thank you for your entry in this week’s challenge. I like the way you described the paradise of sweets. Please take care proofreading your writing as there are several mistakes in the first few sentences so the reader gets a bit lost. If you are personally involved in the action, use ‘we’ I stead of ‘they’. Think carefully about where your sentences begin and finish. Keep rising to the challenge!
Very good writing Irina! I like how you have used words like transporting! Instead of said could you use exclaimed, remarked, established, shouted, screamed, wailed, sulked, replied? The only mistake is I eat it, as your story is past tense it is supposed to be I ate it. Other then that, well done!
From Sara
Hi there Irina. Thank you for your entry in this week’s challenge. I like the way you described the paradise of sweets. Please take care proofreading your writing as there are several mistakes in the first few sentences so the reader gets a bit lost. If you are personally involved in the action, use ‘we’ I stead of ‘they’. Think carefully about where your sentences begin and finish. Keep rising to the challenge!