WOW! I cannot believe THIS.This is one of the best stories i’ve seen you create. I really want to know what happens. Will the two boys die? Will they both defeat the three men? I don’t know.
Hi Zainab,
I liked the way you developed your story–with a strong beginning to engage the reader, and a mysterious ending to leave the reader wondering. Your story was well-sequenced with a beginning, middle, and end. Using more descriptive language might have made your story even more fun to read.
I enjoyed your story. I like how you pulled me in with an unusual beginning and left me with a cliffhanger. I’m wondering what the boy saw as he looked around him? What clued him into the fact that he was now in a video game? If you describe it a bit more, I would have been right there with the characters, experiencing what they’re experiencing.
Hi Zainab Great work very well done
Layla 🙂
Well done Zainab, you used a dramatic opener to draw the reader in instantly. Your ending was amazing did you die or survive?
from Jayanna 🙂
WOW! I cannot believe THIS.This is one of the best stories i’ve seen you create. I really want to know what happens. Will the two boys die? Will they both defeat the three men? I don’t know.
well done zainab!=)
by janna your best friend.
Hi Zainab,
I liked the way you developed your story–with a strong beginning to engage the reader, and a mysterious ending to leave the reader wondering. Your story was well-sequenced with a beginning, middle, and end. Using more descriptive language might have made your story even more fun to read.
Ms. Sargent
Team 100WC–USA
Hi Zainab,
I enjoyed your story. I like how you pulled me in with an unusual beginning and left me with a cliffhanger. I’m wondering what the boy saw as he looked around him? What clued him into the fact that he was now in a video game? If you describe it a bit more, I would have been right there with the characters, experiencing what they’re experiencing.
Keep up the good work!
Jilanne (team 100)