i think you have used lots of onomatopoeia but edit your work by adding in more short sentences to make it more tense. you have used synonyms to avoid repletion.
Well done you used onomatopoeia and a great use of punctuation and you chosen words carefully to create atmosphere next time try to use shorter sentences
Very good, you included lots of description. Next time try to include shorter sentences for more impact and use some more senses.
You have really thought about your story as I can tell by the words you have carefully chosen.
Well done, keep it up. Kaaruni
Well Done! You have used onomatopoeia! Next time use more rhetorical questions! 🙂
i think you have used lots of onomatopoeia but edit your work by adding in more short sentences to make it more tense. you have used synonyms to avoid repletion.
I love the way you used alliteration, rule of three and many more devices but you done a few mistakes for where you put your apostrophes.
Rithika
I really liked that you added loads of description I would have liked it better if you added a rhetorical question
Well done you used onomatopoeia and a great use of punctuation and you chosen words carefully to create atmosphere next time try to use shorter sentences
Well done you have included ISPACED openers, next time use a wider range of punctuation. 🙂
really good you used expanded noun phrases
well done you have used sentences that have created a effect next time use a range of punctuation
Sick work love the setting description. Kaaruni