The beautiful birthday

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3 Responses to The beautiful birthday

  1. nanand says:

    Hi Brindan,
    I can imagine that being quite a party! You’ve included lots of interesting detail to draw me in. Watch your use of prepositions; did he climb onto or into the car? There’s quite a difference.
    Mrs M

  2. Cath (Team100, Melbourne, Australia) says:

    Hello Brindan, you have been able to create the feeling of excitement in your story. Words like elated and joyously really help with doing this. Your simile, “…like a free bird” also adds to excitement and joy of the story. Well done.

  3. Mrs P (Team 100WC) says:

    Hi Brindan
    I enjoyed the way you used the prompt in this 100WC. It fits so naturally into the story. Your word choices add to the interest of the story. Next time remember to re-read and edit your work. It makes it easier for the reader. Great job!
    Mrs P (Team 100WC)
    Wellington, New Zealand

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