I like how the story is but you added to many semi colons and it ended in a big sentence, on the other hand Aurther you didn’t do a capital letter it is a capital letter a it is a name of a person. You also didn’t start the second sentence with a capital letter also, after people you put 2 commas. I have also noticed that you wrote everyone with a – everyone is one word. I think you can improve on your grammar and punctuation.
From Sara
I like how the story is but you added to many semi colons and it ended in a big sentence, on the other hand Aurther you didn’t do a capital letter it is a capital letter a it is a name of a person. You also didn’t start the second sentence with a capital letter also, after people you put 2 commas. I have also noticed that you wrote everyone with a – everyone is one word. I think you can improve on your grammar and punctuation.
From Sara
I like the way you describe what presents they got and what they had, and you have put lots of punctuation which makes it interesting.