Brilliant Zainab, I love your use of descriptive detail to draw me into your story; you’ve even included an oxymoron! Remember to check for missing commas when you pause.
Miss A
Hello Zainab, I love the plot of your story, can you imagine the spirit of a dead Pharaoh appearing like that? You created a good build up with your descriptions, the story therefore flowed very well. There are a few issues with punctuation in your story e.g. missing commas.I would suggest you try and have a quick reread of your story prior to uploading. If you can manage this you will have an opportunity of spotting any errors and correct them. Great effort, keep it up 🙂
Hi Zainab – yikes, what a spooky 100wc! I really like the idea of the spirit of the Pharaoh – it feels like something that could be in a movie.
I definitely agree with Mrs Winter’s comment – you could really improve this story even more by taking another check of that punctuation.
Mr K 🙂 http://www.ashclass2014-15.blogspot.com
Hey zainab !
Nice story I wonder what happens next after this? will you write another part of it? I don’t know what I’d do if that actually happened to me. I would just scream so loud, it would blow off someone’s hair.Next times use a little more adjectives to give the reader more imagery.
From your best friend Janna:)
Nice scary effect in your 100 word challenge. Next time try to add some tricks to cut down on the number of words.
Brilliant Zainab, I love your use of descriptive detail to draw me into your story; you’ve even included an oxymoron! Remember to check for missing commas when you pause.
Miss A
Hello Zainab, I love the plot of your story, can you imagine the spirit of a dead Pharaoh appearing like that? You created a good build up with your descriptions, the story therefore flowed very well. There are a few issues with punctuation in your story e.g. missing commas.I would suggest you try and have a quick reread of your story prior to uploading. If you can manage this you will have an opportunity of spotting any errors and correct them. Great effort, keep it up 🙂
Hi Zainab – yikes, what a spooky 100wc! I really like the idea of the spirit of the Pharaoh – it feels like something that could be in a movie.
I definitely agree with Mrs Winter’s comment – you could really improve this story even more by taking another check of that punctuation.
Mr K 🙂
http://www.ashclass2014-15.blogspot.com
Hey zainab !
Nice story I wonder what happens next after this? will you write another part of it? I don’t know what I’d do if that actually happened to me. I would just scream so loud, it would blow off someone’s hair.Next times use a little more adjectives to give the reader more imagery.
From your best friend Janna:)