Well done Alex, you’ve used repetition well to increase the tension in your scary story. Remember to add commas when you want your reader to pause. Keep it up Alex, you’re doing great!
Miss A
Nice story Alex, with the tension building up slowly. You may need to check your punctuation – there were one or two places where adding a comma would have improved the story. Otherwise, this is a really good story. The ending was a bit sad though!
Fred Team 100WC
Well done you have made a great effort and this has built up suspense to make a scary feeling. To make it better maybe you can add some time connectives and adjectives. Leon Mead School
I like your scary effect and it is very scary just edit
Well done Alex, you’ve used repetition well to increase the tension in your scary story. Remember to add commas when you want your reader to pause. Keep it up Alex, you’re doing great!
Miss A
Nice story Alex, with the tension building up slowly. You may need to check your punctuation – there were one or two places where adding a comma would have improved the story. Otherwise, this is a really good story. The ending was a bit sad though!
Fred Team 100WC
Really good effect Alex just try and put some more punctuation Christopher mead school
Well done you have made a great effort and this has built up suspense to make a scary feeling. To make it better maybe you can add some time connectives and adjectives. Leon Mead School
I like the word trembled and shiver down his spine it is really effective .