Hello Sara, what an enchanting story. Your use of descriptive words and punctuation really added detail and emphasis where it was needed most. My only comment would be to try and ensure the story remains engaging from start to finish, it did trail off a little at the end. Lastly, watch out for sentence structure e.g. ‘The party was in a flowery meadow, and you’ll be able to drink as many cups of French tea.’ Part of the sentence is narrative and part is actual speech. Well done on a great story, I really look forward to seeing more from you. Keep it up! 🙂
Hi Sara,
Loving your twist to Cinderella. Your writing is out of the world. You have used excellent vocab to use an effect on your reader. I love your story opener. ‘ Swiftly ambling,’. Your knowledge of stories like this is exceptional. Cinderwellie is a lovely name when your putting a twist to Cinderella. Your sentence structure has been good throughout the whole story.
Keep up the excellent work!
Esha
Hello Sara, what an enchanting story. Your use of descriptive words and punctuation really added detail and emphasis where it was needed most. My only comment would be to try and ensure the story remains engaging from start to finish, it did trail off a little at the end. Lastly, watch out for sentence structure e.g. ‘The party was in a flowery meadow, and you’ll be able to drink as many cups of French tea.’ Part of the sentence is narrative and part is actual speech. Well done on a great story, I really look forward to seeing more from you. Keep it up! 🙂
Thank you very much for commenting on my work and telling me what to improve on. 🙂
From Sara.
Hi Sara,
Loving your twist to Cinderella. Your writing is out of the world. You have used excellent vocab to use an effect on your reader. I love your story opener. ‘ Swiftly ambling,’. Your knowledge of stories like this is exceptional. Cinderwellie is a lovely name when your putting a twist to Cinderella. Your sentence structure has been good throughout the whole story.
Keep up the excellent work!
Esha
Thank You! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂