Hi Aman,
What a great story starter! I love the way you used detail to firmly place your story in the world of myths and legends.
Next time try to include more description so your reader can picture things in their mind.
Mrs M
Hello there,
This sounds like the start of a really exciting mythological story; you have created quite a setting on Asgared. There are some missing commas, reading work back aloud helps me to spot where I need to put them.
I hope Brain doesn’t cause too many problems.
English Advisor
Manchester
Hi Aman,
What a great story starter! I love the way you used detail to firmly place your story in the world of myths and legends.
Next time try to include more description so your reader can picture things in their mind.
Mrs M
Hello there,
This sounds like the start of a really exciting mythological story; you have created quite a setting on Asgared. There are some missing commas, reading work back aloud helps me to spot where I need to put them.
I hope Brain doesn’t cause too many problems.
English Advisor
Manchester