Hi Kayshap,
You have used some fantastic descriptive language here to help me picture things in my mind’s eye. Remember we don’t use a comma before and; I think you could take these out. Keep up the great writing. Mrs M
T hank you for the advice. 🙂
I agree with Mrs Moore over all it was very good
Wow! 🙂 try to add connectives, P.S That’s long
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Hi Kayshap,
You have used some fantastic descriptive language here to help me picture things in my mind’s eye. Remember we don’t use a comma before and; I think you could take these out.
Keep up the great writing.
Mrs M
T hank you for the advice. 🙂
I agree with Mrs Moore over all it was very good
Wow! 🙂
try to add connectives,
P.S That’s long