Hi Junior,
You have used the narrator ‘s voice really well here to create empathy in your reader and describe the events. You need to think about your punctuation, this will help you to control your reader more, I also think this could be two paragraphs.
An enjoyable read.
Mrs M
Hi Junior,
You have used the narrator ‘s voice really well here to create empathy in your reader and describe the events. You need to think about your punctuation, this will help you to control your reader more, I also think this could be two paragraphs.
An enjoyable read.
Mrs M