A good try, but you used ‘but’ to much and did not add capital letters for ‘John’, some of your sentences did not make sense, you could have improved that my not adding so much semi colons. You could have added better descriptive words, but I loved your story.
From Ratheena
Before you publish your work reread it and check for any mistakes because in this story, you had a couple of mistakes which made your story a little hard to read and make sense. You could try add some vocabulary to make it more fun and enjoyable to read and remember your punctuation. , ; . ! ‘ etc…
A good effort, you have made a few mistakes as for John you didn’t do a capital j also you wrote word war instead of world war. When you done the ellipsis you done a capital b but you didn’t have to; also you didn’t start a sentence with a capital letter you wrote everyone instead of Everyone. I have also noticed that you done a – to make everyone one word; but everyone is one word. Overall I think you have done well! It is a lovely story! Well done
From Sara
I like it but check over some grammatical mistakes like word war
A good try, but you used ‘but’ to much and did not add capital letters for ‘John’, some of your sentences did not make sense, you could have improved that my not adding so much semi colons. You could have added better descriptive words, but I loved your story.
From Ratheena
its a very depressing but that’s good because it shows emotions but check your grammar otherwise a really good story
Before you publish your work reread it and check for any mistakes because in this story, you had a couple of mistakes which made your story a little hard to read and make sense. You could try add some vocabulary to make it more fun and enjoyable to read and remember your punctuation. , ; . ! ‘ etc…
Great story!
A good effort, you have made a few mistakes as for John you didn’t do a capital j also you wrote word war instead of world war. When you done the ellipsis you done a capital b but you didn’t have to; also you didn’t start a sentence with a capital letter you wrote everyone instead of Everyone. I have also noticed that you done a – to make everyone one word; but everyone is one word. Overall I think you have done well! It is a lovely story! Well done
From Sara