Hi Rhia,
I really like your short 100 word story. The two girls which have escaped are very clever by the way they tip toed to the park. You have used a very good use are similes are powerful adjectives. I also like the way you have described their appearance through simile such as: ‘Lily is 9 years old and her skin is as smooth as a petal.’ That is a very good use of description. You have also used dialogue to make them have a conversation during this fabulous story. I also like your use of verbs. You have wonderful used the prompt in a absolutely wonderful way. Just a tip is to make sure of where you can add your commas to make a clause. You also have used past tense through out your story without changing it.
A very well produced story, Well done!
From Esha Patel!
Wow! I really liked the pacing of this short story. I liked the idea about two sisters and how they escaped to go to the park. Well done.
Hi Rhia,
I really like your short 100 word story. The two girls which have escaped are very clever by the way they tip toed to the park. You have used a very good use are similes are powerful adjectives. I also like the way you have described their appearance through simile such as: ‘Lily is 9 years old and her skin is as smooth as a petal.’ That is a very good use of description. You have also used dialogue to make them have a conversation during this fabulous story. I also like your use of verbs. You have wonderful used the prompt in a absolutely wonderful way. Just a tip is to make sure of where you can add your commas to make a clause. You also have used past tense through out your story without changing it.
A very well produced story, Well done!
From Esha Patel!