What an exciting piece of writing! I love the way you used detail to help me picture things in my mind and really feel how scared Jeff was. Next time check all your word choices fit the context in which you’re using them.
I really enjoyed reading this and can see signs of a talented writer.
Oh my! I was hooked from the get go. You used some great descriptive language to hook me in. My only advice would be keep it going right to the end, as I felt that part was a bit rushed.
What an exciting piece of writing! I love the way you used detail to help me picture things in my mind and really feel how scared Jeff was. Next time check all your word choices fit the context in which you’re using them.
I really enjoyed reading this and can see signs of a talented writer.
Mrs Moore
Oh my! I was hooked from the get go. You used some great descriptive language to hook me in. My only advice would be keep it going right to the end, as I felt that part was a bit rushed.
Looking forward to seeing your next writing
Karin Poole
USA
great build up to the main part