Hi my name is Drew and I’m in year 6 Mexico city. Firstly I really like your vocabulary and your style of writing. The only few things I would say is go a bit more into detail and use more connectives and openers. Also a good thing to do is add in a cliff hanger or more persuasive puncuation if you want to make it even more exciting,fun and even more effect. All in all I think it is a really good piece of writing!
Hi my name is Drew and I’m in year 6 Mexico city. Firstly I really like your vocabulary and your style of writing. The only few things I would say is go a bit more into detail and use more connectives and openers. Also a good thing to do is add in a cliff hanger or more persuasive puncuation if you want to make it even more exciting,fun and even more effect. All in all I think it is a really good piece of writing!