Hi Zareenah,
This sounds like an awesome heroine , you used some really good imagery to make me understand her. Think about using apostrophes to show possession. Can’t wait to find out what happens next.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your introduction! I could really imagine what Amy looks like… Maybe you could add in different sentence starters to progress your writing even further.
Hi Zareena. You have a good imagination and can easily apply this to your written work making it enjoyable. I agree with the above comments so try using ‘ The Queen had a crown’ or ‘Amy is the sister of …’ rather than repeating ‘she did, she was etc. But keep up the good work you are talented.
I would like to meet the queen of all animals. Listen to your teachers. They are right to say that this would be more interesting if the sentences didn’t keep starting with “she was”. Your description is very clear though. I’d love to know more about this character.
Hi Zareenah,
This sounds like an awesome heroine , you used some really good imagery to make me understand her. Think about using apostrophes to show possession. Can’t wait to find out what happens next.
Hi Zareenah
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your introduction! I could really imagine what Amy looks like… Maybe you could add in different sentence starters to progress your writing even further.
Looking forward to reading more!
Miss Kaur
Hi Zareena. You have a good imagination and can easily apply this to your written work making it enjoyable. I agree with the above comments so try using ‘ The Queen had a crown’ or ‘Amy is the sister of …’ rather than repeating ‘she did, she was etc. But keep up the good work you are talented.
Mrs Mc.D
I really like your post but maybe use different sentence starters
thanks for the feedback
Hi Zareenah, great story maybe next time you could add some more adjectives!
😮 🙂 😀
I would like to meet the queen of all animals. Listen to your teachers. They are right to say that this would be more interesting if the sentences didn’t keep starting with “she was”. Your description is very clear though. I’d love to know more about this character.