Oh my Jinan this is quite a fearsome beast you have created, you used detail well to place your character firmly in the world of myths and legends; next time try to use language typical of such stories to be consistent with the genre.
Mrs M
Seeing steam as a deadly power is a good idea. A lot of people do not realise how dangerous and powerful steam can be. I really like that you have built up other characters too. Choice of language is so important and you do this well right until the end. The phrase “take her down” just feels too modern and I think you could convey the action in a more dramatic way.
Wow! What a descriptive piece of writing I really like the choice of words you have used such as ‘civillian’ and ‘ancestor’ really makes it sound more mythological. You’ve explained the family background well to give us as much information. Writing in capital letters for some of the words really emphasises the importance. Could you think of some interesting sentence starters next time?
Oh my Jinan this is quite a fearsome beast you have created, you used detail well to place your character firmly in the world of myths and legends; next time try to use language typical of such stories to be consistent with the genre.
Mrs M
Seeing steam as a deadly power is a good idea. A lot of people do not realise how dangerous and powerful steam can be. I really like that you have built up other characters too. Choice of language is so important and you do this well right until the end. The phrase “take her down” just feels too modern and I think you could convey the action in a more dramatic way.
Wow! What a descriptive piece of writing I really like the choice of words you have used such as ‘civillian’ and ‘ancestor’ really makes it sound more mythological. You’ve explained the family background well to give us as much information. Writing in capital letters for some of the words really emphasises the importance. Could you think of some interesting sentence starters next time?
Can’t wait to read more,
Miss Kaur