Hi Hafsa,
I really enjoyed reading this, you used detail really well to influence my opinion and left me wanting to know more about your heroine. As you continue, remember to read your work back to check for missing commas.
Can’t wait to find out what happens next!
Mrs M
Hello there,
You have created a really appealing setting through all your fabulous description and a really interesting heroine that I want to know more about. Reading my work back aloud helps me to spot where I need to put my commas.
Keep it up
English advisor
Manchester
I love your description , maybe add in a simile or a metaphor
I like the adjectives that you are using through your writing
Hafsa you work was brilliant but put more description and stuff that could HOOK you reader!!!
Hafsa great work at school
work on your commas
(HAFSA’S cousin)
Hi Hafsa,
I really enjoyed reading this, you used detail really well to influence my opinion and left me wanting to know more about your heroine. As you continue, remember to read your work back to check for missing commas.
Can’t wait to find out what happens next!
Mrs M
Hello there,
You have created a really appealing setting through all your fabulous description and a really interesting heroine that I want to know more about. Reading my work back aloud helps me to spot where I need to put my commas.
Keep it up
English advisor
Manchester