The battle that never ended

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3 Responses to The battle that never ended

  1. tadik says:

    Explain the setting more .I like the way you described the hero

  2. nanand says:

    Hi Zia,
    You have included lots of exciting and interesting detail for your reader but it appears a bit rushed, which can leave your reader a little confused. Make sure you include enough descriptive detail and organise your work into clear paragraphs, which each have a clear purpose so your reader can follow your story easily .
    Mrs M

  3. English Advisor says:

    Hello there,
    Bestonia sounds like quite an interesting place and I am sure there are lots of adventures in store for your hero but I am a little confused as to who his parents are; clearer detail and controlled punctuation will make it easier for your reader to follow, think about his as you continue.
    English Advisor
    Manchester

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