Hi Arojan,
I really enjoyed reading this! You made some great use of description to draw me into your story and influence your opinion. As you continue, remember to proof- read to check your punctuation, I can see some missing, and remember to change paragraphs when you need to.
Looking forward to hearing about Shadow’s adventures
Mrs M
Hello there,
What an interesting setting and hero you have created for your reader through your clever use of language. I agree with the above comment, this looks it should be 3 paragraphs; can you see where they each start? Hope Shadow comes out victorious.
English Advisor
Manchester
An enjoyable introduction and straight away brings the reader into the story. By introducing the evil character into the story you immediately set the tone for the tale.
Hi Arojan,
I really enjoyed reading this! You made some great use of description to draw me into your story and influence your opinion. As you continue, remember to proof- read to check your punctuation, I can see some missing, and remember to change paragraphs when you need to.
Looking forward to hearing about Shadow’s adventures
Mrs M
Hello there,
What an interesting setting and hero you have created for your reader through your clever use of language. I agree with the above comment, this looks it should be 3 paragraphs; can you see where they each start? Hope Shadow comes out victorious.
English Advisor
Manchester
An enjoyable introduction and straight away brings the reader into the story. By introducing the evil character into the story you immediately set the tone for the tale.