Khalisah this is great! I love the way you used such vivid description to help me picture things in my mind and influence my opinion. You also cleverly signposted to your reader that things are about to change. Next time try to vary your sentence starters. Can’t wait to read what happens next.
Mrs M
Hello there,
Oh my, what a wonderful setting you have created! I would love to visit Hotmania. I wonder what this black cloud is all about and how do all the villagers know what is coming? Think about how you are using exclamation marks, I’m not sure that they all work in the way you are using them.
I enjoyed reading this.
English Advisor
Manchester
Khalisah this is great! I love the way you used such vivid description to help me picture things in my mind and influence my opinion. You also cleverly signposted to your reader that things are about to change. Next time try to vary your sentence starters. Can’t wait to read what happens next.
Mrs M
Hello there,
Oh my, what a wonderful setting you have created! I would love to visit Hotmania. I wonder what this black cloud is all about and how do all the villagers know what is coming? Think about how you are using exclamation marks, I’m not sure that they all work in the way you are using them.
I enjoyed reading this.
English Advisor
Manchester
its has good description