What a great start to your story Arjan, you made your character sound really interesting and the setting very beautiful; you also used detail which firmly placed you story in the world of myths. Next time remember to read it back and add in commas when you pause.
Can’t wait to find out what happens next.
Mrs M
Hello there,
You have created quite a setting and quite a hero, with some amazing powers. I wonder what will happen to him next?
Adding in commas when you pause would make it easier to read, think about this as you continue your story.
English Advisor
Manchester
What a great start to your story Arjan, you made your character sound really interesting and the setting very beautiful; you also used detail which firmly placed you story in the world of myths. Next time remember to read it back and add in commas when you pause.
Can’t wait to find out what happens next.
Mrs M
Hello there,
You have created quite a setting and quite a hero, with some amazing powers. I wonder what will happen to him next?
Adding in commas when you pause would make it easier to read, think about this as you continue your story.
English Advisor
Manchester
ok I will add commas in my writing
by Arjan