This is excellent. I love the way you have used different lengths of sentences to build tension, describe features of the creatures personality or to excite the reader. I love the gruesome descriptions, they remind me of Greek legends. A few commas are needed in certain places. I wonder if any mortal would defeat her in a battle?
Oh my Leon! She sounds really terrifying! I love your detail and the fact she has bits stuck in her teeth!.
Always edit your punctuation, this is a target for you.
Mrs M
This is excellent. I love the way you have used different lengths of sentences to build tension, describe features of the creatures personality or to excite the reader. I love the gruesome descriptions, they remind me of Greek legends. A few commas are needed in certain places. I wonder if any mortal would defeat her in a battle?
Oh my Leon! She sounds really terrifying! I love your detail and the fact she has bits stuck in her teeth!.
Always edit your punctuation, this is a target for you.
Mrs M