Lost in a castle

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6 Responses to Lost in a castle

  1. zamas says:

    your story is great! but after your first para you start going into first person. now that is a big mistake but you do realized the world would see it. so that’s my comment. now my star and wish for you: wish: add more punctuation. star: well done you added loads of describing words and managed to do it in a 100 words. great work!

  2. islas1 says:

    I like it because it created a tensions

  3. mahms says:

    I like your descriptive vocabulary when you put she knew they decorate you have to put she knew they would decorate.

    From Sara

  4. Secret Book Club Member says:

    This is a well structure tale with great little phrases such as, “Glowing copper eyes in the far distance.” Check before publishing your posts that you story has no small mistakes, for example “My heart”. I look forward to reading your next tale. Well done.

    • alfan says:

      Thank You very much, I appreciate your comment. I’ll take you advise on board so that next time when I write another story, I’ll know what to do right and improve. Your books are fantastic, marvellous ; spectacular.

  5. zamal says:

    Good vocab. You used outstanding description and amazing phrases. You should be a author one day.

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