your story is great! but after your first para you start going into first person. now that is a big mistake but you do realized the world would see it. so that’s my comment. now my star and wish for you: wish: add more punctuation. star: well done you added loads of describing words and managed to do it in a 100 words. great work!
This is a well structure tale with great little phrases such as, “Glowing copper eyes in the far distance.” Check before publishing your posts that you story has no small mistakes, for example “My heart”. I look forward to reading your next tale. Well done.
Thank You very much, I appreciate your comment. I’ll take you advise on board so that next time when I write another story, I’ll know what to do right and improve. Your books are fantastic, marvellous ; spectacular.
your story is great! but after your first para you start going into first person. now that is a big mistake but you do realized the world would see it. so that’s my comment. now my star and wish for you: wish: add more punctuation. star: well done you added loads of describing words and managed to do it in a 100 words. great work!
I like it because it created a tensions
I like your descriptive vocabulary when you put she knew they decorate you have to put she knew they would decorate.
From Sara
This is a well structure tale with great little phrases such as, “Glowing copper eyes in the far distance.” Check before publishing your posts that you story has no small mistakes, for example “My heart”. I look forward to reading your next tale. Well done.
Thank You very much, I appreciate your comment. I’ll take you advise on board so that next time when I write another story, I’ll know what to do right and improve. Your books are fantastic, marvellous ; spectacular.
Good vocab. You used outstanding description and amazing phrases. You should be a author one day.