Safaa this is wonderful! I really love the way you used actions to give me clues about your hero and influence my opinion; this is the sign of a talented writer. You also made good reference to previous events to emphasise just how bad the problem was.
Think about how you could use punctuation to control your reader.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Mrs M
I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH ADJECTIVES AND LOVE THE PHRASE ANGER ROSE IN HIS HEART
Safaa this is wonderful! I really love the way you used actions to give me clues about your hero and influence my opinion; this is the sign of a talented writer. You also made good reference to previous events to emphasise just how bad the problem was.
Think about how you could use punctuation to control your reader.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Mrs M
Thanks Mrs Moore and Hafsa I will try and improve it next time
🙂